i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
