there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
