Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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