So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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