ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
