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Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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