There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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