all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
