dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
