the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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