just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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