Non-Jews are for practice
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
