Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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