and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
