people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
