When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
