it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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