we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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