Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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