Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
