Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
