I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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