I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
