STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
