I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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