i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
