He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
