either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
