I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
