Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
