seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize