I'm going to jail i love you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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