i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
