I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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