paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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