You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
