Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
