I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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