I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
