The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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