I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
