I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
