she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
