you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
