I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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