so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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