I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
