Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
