A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
