porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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