The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
