You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize