Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
