I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
