we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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