I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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