nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
