She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
