If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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