It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
