I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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