is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
