imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
