Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
