Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
