I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
