Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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